Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
be right there i have to get my cape
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
