Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
