I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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