Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
