Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
