i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
