So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
