I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize