He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
