bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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