How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
