I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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