Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this will be a night to untag.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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