PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
