Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
