Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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