you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize