We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
