I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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