I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize