Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?

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(303): View more from Colorado

if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head

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(850): View more from Florida

lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...

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(817): View more from Texas

he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?

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