I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
