im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
