I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
