im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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