I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
