Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
