A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
