I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
