no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
