she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
