just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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