seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
not ubering you a puppy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize