thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
