He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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