Apparently you make a good broom.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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