i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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