Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
