So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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