$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
