we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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