it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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