Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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