I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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