just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
