my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
