Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
