GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
