You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
