Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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