In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
