peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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