My nipple is on Facebook.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize