What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
