just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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