five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
