just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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