she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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