Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
