So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
