he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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