New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
