My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How does one acquire holy water?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
