I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
