My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
