I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Randomize
