i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
