Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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