Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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