just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
