Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
