Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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