there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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