well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Soap is not a condiment
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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