I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
