I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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