I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
