I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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