she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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