just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
