I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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