Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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