she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
