You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
